toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
