you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
