I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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