so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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