We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
