I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
