before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize