Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
