hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
