i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Life is so much better after having sex.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
