pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
