A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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