Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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