i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
