remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i drank out of a bidet.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
