oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's a Shit stain on my heart
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
