it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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