I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize