i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
