remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
