Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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