It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
