My room smells like vodka and shame
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
