Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
