I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
