Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
