dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
