my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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