Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize