I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If I die, sorry about rent.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
