So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize