yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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