did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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