So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
