So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
