i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
