OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize