I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
