Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
