We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
