I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
