someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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