Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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