I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
