he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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