oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
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