The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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