Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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