thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
