yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
