sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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