A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
