Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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