If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
