I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
