Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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