i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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