All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
