so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
