how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
