Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
