I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You are a genius and a whore.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
