He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
