In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
