Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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