i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
