Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize