nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
