winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
