I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
