i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize