Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
