I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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