who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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