so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
