I wannas sexs uuuuu
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
