i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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