his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
