I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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