the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
