You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
