Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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