I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
