The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
