I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
