yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize