I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize