if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just had sex bonerless
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
