The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
