hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
