that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
