rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
