Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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