after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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