i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Two words: nipple clamps
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