Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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