come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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