I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
