I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
