at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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