I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
