I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
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